23289160 - romantic couple in front of santa monica amusement park at sunset “Yes, we had sex on the first date. I don’t care if anyone has a problem with that. I’m grown!”

Sex on the first date is a classic example of what you have the adult right to do, but is rarely, if ever, the Grown, healthy, self-loving thing to do, especially if your goal is a loving, sustainable relationship of honor, esteem and respect.

The societal stigma associated with first-date sex between consenting adults has all but dissipated in our hyper-sexualized culture (though a double-standard persists against women who “put out” too easily). And there are plenty of people, including many relationship experts, who argue that sex on the first date is no big deal. Here are three of those arguments, and why Grown people (regardless of gender) don’t buy into them.

What’s the point of a second date if you can’t have sex on the first? If we really like each other, why wait to confirm that we’re sexually compatible?

Grown people know that one night of great sex does not confirm sexually compatibility (first-time sex with a new partner, and especially a sexy stranger, is nearly always an intense experience) and that it takes far more than that to establish a healthy relationship. Moreover, the quality of sex between two people is a horrible predictor of whether two people are healthy for one another. Are there people who have been happily married for decades after having first-date sex? Sure there are. But there are far more people who’ve experienced nightmare marriages, unplanned procreation, costly divorces, physical abuse and/or stalking with murderous intent at the hands of people they’ve had at least one great sexual encounter with.

Grown people know that the purpose of dating is not to have sex, but to get to know a person well enough to decide whether or not to have sex. If a healthy relationship is possible, satisfying sex is highly probable, if not inevitable. However, if the relationship is unhealthy, good sex is never worth the cost of maintaining it.

If the sexual chemistry is there, why fight it? Sometimes the attraction is so powerful and immediate, you know it’s real. Why hold back just because it’s the first date?

The answer: For your own protection.

Grown people know: Having a strong attraction to a person is never the same as actually knowing a person. Until you do, that person is a stranger. It is never healthy to expose yourself sexually to a stranger. Even if—especially if—you like them enough to go out with them.

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