Avoiding Unhealthy Relationships

/Avoiding Unhealthy Relationships

“All Men Cheat!” (Actually, Not Really.)

“Oh Zara, all men cheat; every man is a dog.” Yes, I’ve heard it a gazillion times from men (justifying) and women (validating). The one thing you’ll get used to hearing from me is that I will validate every thought and feeling you have, but will never, ever justify them. It’s where you are but not where you ought to stay. It’s impossible to remain as you are if you’ll [...]

11 Things Called Love That Are Anything But

A major principle of Grown, self-loving decision-making, in pursuit of healthy relationships of honor, esteem and respect, is not just having a clear idea of what love is, but also being clear on what it is not. The ability to recognize and reject what you don’t want is often more important than knowing and getting what you do want, because failure to do the former can eliminate the possibility of [...]

4 Things We Are Told To Give Up For Love—And Why You Absolutely Shouldn’t

A theme you will hear repeatedly in our Grown Zone posts, on Grown Zone Radio and in our book Loving In The Grown Zone, is the importance of making your heart, body, money and home the last things you grant access to in a romantic (or any) relationship, not the first. You’ll do a much better job of making healthy, self-loving decisions—and avoid or quickly recover from unhealthy choices—if you [...]

Why It Pays To Learn How To Love

You were born with both the need and the capacity to love, but you weren’t born knowing (and were likely never taught) how to create and grow healthy relationships. Your success, security and happiness depends on your willingness to invest time, attention, money and intention to learn. Here are three important reasons to boost your L.Q. (love quotient) by committing to relationship education: To protect your money, financial assets and earning power. [...]

Drama Queens Have Nothing On Drama Kings. Recognize And Avoid Them!

Do not buy into the myth that choosing drama is a female thing. Drama queens ain’t got nothing on drama kings. Like drama queens, drama kings inspire strong emotions, which can initially pass as intoxicating passion and sexual chemistry (what some describe as “catching feelings”), but ultimately spirals into an endless cycle of recklessness and disruption, leaving nothing but destruction in its wake. Both drama kings and drama queens use [...]

Want Better From A Man? Then Change Your Qualifiers

Ask any man about his standards for “The One” and most of the time his list will be exhaustive! Go ahead! You can find a guy at the bus stop—boarding on borrowed money, with pants hanging off his ass, all grilled and tatted up, sneakers on his feet costing more than he’s actually earned in the past year, no education nor prospects for employment—and he’ll believe that he’s worthy of somebody [...]

Wedding Season: What We’ve Learned From 4 Failed Marriages

As widely recognized and trusted sources of advice on healthy relationships, and the authors of Loving In The Grown Zone: A No-Nonsense Guide to Making Healthy Decisions in the Quest for Loving, Romantic Relationships of Honor, Esteem, and Respect (Balboa Press), people are often surprised to find that we are not married, although we are committed to each other as life partners. (Radio Host Tom Joyner and Comedian J. Anthony [...]

9 Reasons You Should Read This Book And Help Change The Conversation About What Healthy Love Is

Our new book, Loving In The Grown Zone: A No-Nonsense Guide to Making Healthy Decisions in the Quest for Loving, Romantic Relationships of Honor, Esteem and Respect (Balboa Press) has been available for a few months now, and even before any formal promotional effort, the response has been all but overwhelming, with incredible social media buzz and great reviews at Amazon.com and other online booksellers. Now that our official promotional [...]

Grown Zone Radio: Half A Man Is Not Enough

Let's get this straight: women do need men, just as men need women, but the notion that a "half a man" is better than no man is foolery! RELATED POST: Want Better From A Man? Then Change Your Qualifiers Stop telling yourself that you don't need a man and then settlling for half a man. Men, stop bragging that you're "half man, half amazing," when only a whole man will [...]

Grown Zone Radio: Stop Chasing Money And Sex Hoping For Love

All too often women are chasing money and men are chasing sex (or vice versa), and when they find what they're chasing, because it's so good to them, they confuse it with love. In the Grown Zone we distinguish what you have the adult right to do—which too often leads us to ridiculous situations and destructive outcomes—and the grown decisions we must make to do what is most self-loving and advantageous to [...]