In the Grown Zone (and, specifically, in our book Loving In The Grown Zone), we provide fundamental decision-making principles to those in pursuit of healthy relationships of H.E.R. (honor, esteem and respect), also referred to as “Good Love.” The equivalent of such sustainable, loving relationships is called “True Love” by renowned neurologist Fred Nour, M.D., the author of a challenging and insightful new book, True Love: How To Use Science to Understand Love (Niguel Publishing).
True Love provides convincing scientific support of why the Grown Zone approach to relationships (and the recommendations we make to our coaching clients) makes sense. Nour explains the complex evolution of brain function and chemistry, and how they drive our urge to pursue romance, sex, love and relationships, in terms that do not require you to be a brain surgeon to understand. At the same time, he counters myths and misinformation promoted by non-medical experts about our biology and brain function’s impact on romantic and sexual behavior.
Nour breaks down the process of finding True Love into four distinct phases, explaining the genetic, chemical and behavioral impact of each stage on our sexual and emotional urges and relationship choices—for both better and worse. They are: finding the person of your dreams, falling in love, falling out of love, and finally (assuming one successfully negotiates the previous stages) achieving True Love (again, what we call Good Love).
The scientific insights of True Love sheds light on the importance of the following principles (in addition to others) covered in Loving In The Grown Zone:
The things that cause you to fall in love with a person (what we call attractors in the Grown Zone) are not enough to sustain a relationship.
According to Nour, the brain chemistry of falling in love is far more intense than that of lasting, true love, but cannot be sustained beyond about two years. Believing otherwise can cause couples to either end potentially healthy relationships prematurely, or unwisely extend unhealthy relationships that should end in order to make new, healthy relationships possible.
Don’t confuse sex with love. While sex and love can enhance one another, they are two distinctly different things, and either can exist (and often does) without the other.
In fact, according to Nour, sex evolved 350 million years before the evolution of love. (And another thing: love is produced by the brain, not the heart.) As we say in the Grown Zone, sex can spark the fire of desire, but cannot sustain the flame of devotion.
Hot new romance? Only fools rush in. That’s why we so strongly advise against making major, life-altering decisions and commitments early in a new relationship.
According to True Love, the brain’s excess production of monoamines during the early, “falling in love” phase affects your judgement, thinking and behavior for up to two years, causing you to, among other things, idealize the object of your desire and become blind to their flaws and shortcomings, even those that could prove harmful to you. It is not until the subsequent, “falling out of love” phase that monoamines levels drop, allowing you to see people as they are, not as you dreamed them to be.
The best thing about True Love is that while it covers the science of love with authority, it is the furthest thing from a boring clinical tome. Nour approaches the subject matter with humor, poetry (literally), a nod to popular culture and music, and plenty of insightful anecdotes about his own romantic experiences and those of patients, friends and colleagues. As a result, it is a consistently rewarding and often quite entertaining read.
True Love is an excellent addition to the Grown Zone Book Shelf, and required reading for anyone who wants to gain appreciation for how our brain functions when we are in love, so that we can make healthier decisions and find Good, True Love as a result.
Stop chasing and losing. Start ATTRACTING and CHOOSING! Learn proven guidelines and principles GUARANTEED to make you happy and fulfilled REGARDLESS OF YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Use the power of self love to become an irresistible MAGNET for the lasting, drama-free, AUTHENTIC LOVE created specifically for you and ONLY you! Order your copy of Loving In The Grown Zone TODAY at LovingInTheGrownZone.com!