In the Grown Zone (and, specifically, in our book Loving In The Grown Zone), we provide fundamental decision-making principles to those in pursuit of healthy relationships of H.E.R. (honor, esteem and respect), also referred to as “Good Love.” The equivalent of such sustainable, loving relationships is called “True Love” by renowned neurologist Fred Nour, M.D., the author of a challenging and insightful new book, True Love: How To Use Science to Understand Love (Niguel Publishing).
True Love provides convincing scientific support of why the Grown Zone approach to relationships (and the recommendations we make to our coaching clients) makes sense. Nour explains the complex evolution of brain function and chemistry, and how they drive our urge to pursue romance, sex, love and relationships, in terms that do not require you to be a brain surgeon to understand. At the same time, he counters myths and misinformation promoted by non-medical experts about our biology and brain function’s impact on romantic and sexual behavior.
Nour breaks down the process of finding True Love into four distinct phases, explaining the genetic, chemical and behavioral impact of each stage on our sexual and emotional urges and relationship choices—for both better and worse. They are: finding the person of your dreams, falling in love, falling out of love, and finally (assuming one successfully negotiates the previous stages) achieving True Love (again, what we call Good Love).
The scientific insights of True Love sheds light on the importance of the following principles (in addition to others) covered in Loving In The Grown Zone:
The things that cause you to fall in love with a person (what we call attractors in the Grown Zone) are not enough to sustain a relationship.
According to Nour, the brain chemistry of falling in love is far more intense than that of lasting, true love, but cannot be sustained beyond about two years. Believing otherwise can cause couples to either end potentially healthy relationships prematurely, or unwisely extend unhealthy relationships that should end in order to make new, healthy relationships possible.
Don’t confuse sex with love. While sex and love can enhance one another, they are two distinctly different things, and either can exist (and often does) without the other.