Do you know an addict—someone hooked on alcohol, cocaine, meth, heroin? If you’ve known anybody addicted to any of these mind altering drugs then you know that the longer they’re addicted the more bold and reckless they become about getting it. From the first hit, all they know is that nothing has ever made them feel like that before and they look forward to the next hit. After a few hits, they begin to get single focused and soon nothing else matters. They want to live in that state of euphoric intoxication.
You may not have ever had a hit of cocaine, meth, or heroin, but if you’ve ever been in love, you know that state of euphoria. Your first love interest took you somewhere you’d never been before and you liked it, a lot! For most, you long for it. For others, you want it bad but the pain of having loved and lost hurt so much you’re afraid to be that vulnerable again.
Many people make lifetime decisions in those moments of euphoria because they feel good, but it is not wise to be governed by these feelings.
Intentional Personal Development
Just as you learn other skills, you’ve got to learn how and why you love. What kind of lover are you and what kind do you attract? Is that the kind you want, really? You’ve got to learn to strike balances in what you give and what you get, and it is your responsibility to do so. You deserve love, and you must be responsible for how you acquire it.
Alcohol, cocaine, meth, and heroin addicts are chasing a feeling that cannot be sustained. In the same way, those who are “addicted” to love (or who describe themselves as “hopeless romantics” or “in love with love”) are chasing a fantasy that cannot be sustained. Romantic love is not sustainable, and until you’ve done the work of effectively understanding your individual lives and purposefully co-mingling them your love is not real. It’s a fantasy that has not been tried so it can’t be true.
Sure, you can meet somebody and just based on chemistry fall in “love”, and sex will intensify the attraction. But here’s the inevitable problem with that: that state of euphoria blinds you from seeing incompatibility and by the time you recognize it, if at all (since the relationship was built on emotions), it’s hard to then, objectively judge who’s before you; to see how they actually align with the desires you have for a relationship.
Know What You Want
Unless you know what you want in a relationship, how you want to be treated and what characteristics a suitor has to have in order to be considered healthy for you (and vice versa), you’ve not done your due diligence and can easily be blinded by chemistry (instant attraction) and really confused after sex.
Bottom Line: If she/he’s “all that”, she/he will be that and then some after you’ve done your due diligence. There are no shortcuts. Stop trying to rush love. True love unfolds, so let it percolate. Time is your friend.
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