Are you setting yourself up for unnecessary heartbreak? Or allowing others to position you for unnecessary drama?
Possession consciousness starts out quite innocently…
“My Clothes – My Shoes – My Jewelry – My House – My Car”
But then there’s this level of possessiveness…
“My Father – My Mother
My Son – My Daughter
My Man – My Woman”
UH-OH! People Possession! (More on that a little later…)
For the most part, all material possessions lose their value. A big part of our society’s barometer for success is how much one has, so people place value on stuff. It’s why many people get up every day: To work harder so they can get more stuff. Nothing is wrong with having stuff, but if the stuff has you, it’s a setup. The reasons behind heart ties (emotional attachment) to stuff are multiple, and they create so much drama for people in their quest to satisfy internal desires with external stuff. It’s dangerous!
People stay in unhealthy relationships because they don’t want to lose material possessions or pay money to get out of them, even when divorce is the healthiest option for all involved.
People buy more house than they can afford to furnish, more car than they can afford to maintain and rack up credit card bills trying to impress people they don’t even like. And when they lose any of these things they lose their minds!
I’ve been divorced twice; in one case leaving everything and certainly ending up financially worse off. But nothing I lost compared to the peace I gained. And although the processes were painful, both divorces were exactly what I needed to do. Since then, I’ve grown so far past either of those experiences that upon reflection, they are mere moments in time.
Then just when it seemed life was back on track, I lost it all again to Hurricane Katrina. It took everything except the three days of clothes I brought with me (3 shirts, 3 pairs of shorts, 3 pairs of panties, 2 bras, the earrings I was wearing, and a pair of flip-flops) and a CyberSonic toothbrush.
The event itself was devastating in many ways, but unlike many, because I had a healthy relationship with (not an unhealthy attachment to) things, my resilience kicked in. For a half a second I thought about all the new stuff I’d just bought to go in my new place and the lovely wardrobe I’d built, but then I shook it off!
While it took a while to build another wardrobe and acquire more things, I’m in no way attached to stuff and there is nothing that I cannot part with.
That’s a healthy relationship with stuff. In so many ways, I’m grateful for those experiences of loss.
Healthy emotional ties to people are never wrong, but here’s an uncomfortable reality: most relationships are not healthy; we’re all tied to people, and it’s each of our responsibility to govern our relationships. “Healthy” is available, but the only way to achieve it is to fully understand and apply the idea that we relate to people, we do not possess people.
Human development teaches us that relationships change, yet it’s human nature to want relationships to stay the same, and that’s why personal development should never stop. You should expect every relationship to change because every person, regardless of your relationship to them, is on their own individual journey. The reasons that we are here are to learn and to grow. You can’t grow if you are somebody’s possession because you’re only allowed to do, be and have what they want for themselves, and that’s not love.
Too many people misinterpret possessiveness for love. If s/he is controlling your every move: who you communicate with, what you wear (clothes, makeup), what you do, how you act – they are attentive, but do not mistake that for love.
Love allows. Allows you to be without requiring their permission. Allows you to grow and develop into more of yourself. Allows you to learn more so you can do and be more. Love considers, cooperates and collaborates. It does not disrespect or demand, nor does it dictate.
Healthy Relationships Matter
Stuff is just stuff – we get it, we give it away, we lose it, we get some more. The sooner you see stuff as temporary and practical, the less you’ll allow it to stop you from making decisions you ought, healthy decisions that lead you to becoming more of yourself and the best of yourself.
People, not stuff are of true, lasting value!
To truly love is to be clear that we’re all playing roles in each other’s lives and few of those roles will last a lifetime. So play your role as long as it’s healthy, with a willingness to move on or let go – appreciating the opportunities to have known and learned from each person, and grateful to have contributed to their lives. Roles are usually for a reason or a season, rarely a lifetime.
Things and people are for our enjoyment, but it’s imperative to keep this at the forefront of how you live in order to build healthy emotional ties: No thing and no body is yours!
That’s living in the Grown Zone! Here we GROW…Grown IS Sexy!
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