divorce

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Why Church-Based Premarital Counseling Does Not Prevent Divorce

The fact that you both love God does not automatically qualify you to love each other.—Grown Zone Relationship Education Co-Creator Alfred A. Edmond Jr. In the Grown Zone, we often challenge conventional wisdom, including overvalued and ineffective beliefs about how to create and sustain healthy relationships. One of these beliefs is the idea that church-based premarital counseling alone can provide engaged couples with enough preparation to establish a healthy, sustainable marriage. RELATED: [...]

My Story: The High Price of Foregoing Relationship Education

Would you invest, say, $10,000 on a program of relationship education to avoid more than $100,000 in expenses and other costs resulting from poor relationship choices? Today, that’s a no-brainer for me: Absolutely, I would. But that was not always the case. For most of my adult life, like most people, I was firmly committed to the follow-your-heart, learn-by-experience, anything-for-love approach to relationships. By my 40th birthday, the results of [...]

3 Acts Of Holiday Season Foolery You Need To Avoid

Most adult-and-messy choices are a result of making decisions for a reason or a season that result in unintended lifetime consequences. This truth is even more evident during the holiday season, when we make exceptions for unhealthy relationship choices and poor treatment that we’d never tolerate during the rest of the year. The result: unhealthy, holiday foolery, the kind you need to fortify yourself against in order to enjoy the [...]

Your Relationship Is Over. Now What?

Your relationship is over. Now what? Single life is about more than just killing time between relationships and searching for someone new to love you. It's about taking the following steps to learn, grow and love yourself: Reflect.  You must intentionally answer the question, “What just happened?” with a focus not on blaming or playing victim, but on exploring your choices, the emotions that drove them and your underlying beliefs. How do they compare to [...]

Wedding Season: 3 Reasons To Break Your Engagement Now

It’s wedding season, and thousands of couples have passed, as of the moment of engagement, the point of no return. Yes, people do break off engagements, but as likely as not, they follow through and get married, whether it makes sense to do so or not. The inevitable nature of weddings is driven by two powerful (though false) societal beliefs: The ultimate achievement in love (especially for women) is a [...]

Grown Love And Money: Before You Marry, Do The Math

Marriage is a financial and legal contract, not just a spiritual, romantic and/or emotional commitment. This is a foundational theme of living and loving in the Grown Zone, but also a fact that is too often glossed over in our society’s all but obsessive fascination with love, weddings and babies—whether we are actually prepared for them or not. As we often point out in the Grown Zone, marriage, in particular, [...]

Preparing For Love Means Facing The Truth About Your Grandparents’ Marriage

You wanna know how your grandparents “worked through” their problems and didn’t divorce? ‘Cause ya grandmamma most likely didn’t have her own assets or income and depended on your grandfather to support her and the family. She had no choice but to work it out. Also, the stigma a divorced woman would face? Pfffffft. Trust me, a lot of y’all’s grandfathers are/were awful people and your grandmother would’ve left him [...]

3 Love Lessons We Learned The Hard Way (That You Don’t Have To)

If identifying and securing a loving, romantic relationship is a priority for you, you must reject the commonly accepted, yet misguided notions many of us have been taught about finding love. It is critical that you identify and challenge these ideas and beliefs—whether planted by your parents, peers, popular culture, religious upbringing or other sources—and uproot them. You have two options: learn through experience, i.e. trial and error, or via education, drawing [...]

The Real Reason It’s So Hard to Find Love. (It’s Not What You Think.)

Our need for love is present from our time in the womb; our capacity for healthy growth and development (physical, mental and emotional) depends on it. We are born with both a predisposition to give and a longing to receive love, with our capacity to effectively do either relying on the other being fulfilled. So if we all have the capacity to love, and we all need love, why is [...]

Grown Love And Money: Financial Planning Comes Before Wedding Planning

I am really bothered by the results of a recent poll of engaged couples on the website of the National Foundation for Credit Counseling. The poll reveals that 68 percent of respondents held negative attitudes toward discussing money with their fiance. Five percent indicated that talking about money with their fiance would cause them to call off the wedding. Well, guess what? If you can’t talk about your finances with [...]