Loving in the Grown Zone

/Tag:Loving in the Grown Zone

4 Reasons We Are Convinced That We’re Unlovable

One of the key factors in your inability to find and maintain healthy relationships are the haunting beliefs, even if unspoken, that you are unworthy or undeserving of love. Once you adopt these beliefs (even if unconsciously), you sabotage your ability to prepare for, recognize, attract and engage in healthy relationships of honor, esteem and respect. It's important to understand how we often use facts as justification for adopting false and self-sabotaging beliefs. [...]

3 Signs That She’s Not A Grown Woman

She’s got curves for days, luxurious tresses down her back, and a fantastic wardrobe that says sexy fashionista at work, at the club, and even at church. Earning an advanced degree has led to a six-figure position at a major corporation; she earns additional income as a freelance model. She has perfect credit and six-pack abs. And parked in front of her condo is her current-model luxury car, with a [...]

3 Signs That He Is Not A Grown Man

A significant proportion of unhealthy relationships are the result of the failure to differentiate between a man, who is merely an adult male, and a Grown man. Sadly, too many men were never taught how to be Grown (or worse, had role models who taught them anything but Grown manhood), and too many women don’t know one when they see or meet one—or are too willing to settle for less, [...]

Reject the Dangerous Notion That Men Are Hunters And Women Are Their Prey

I am so tired of people pushing the whole "men are hunters" crap when it comes to relationships. It's just not true. Even worse, this widely promoted belief is unhealthy for both men and women. For my more religious brothers and sisters, please allow me to point out that Adam's original job assignment was gardener, not hunter. He was assigned stewardship of the garden (not the hunting grounds) of Eden. So [...]

Your Relationship Is Over. Now What?

Your relationship is over. Now what? Single life is about more than just killing time between relationships and searching for someone new to love you. It's about taking the following steps to learn, grow and love yourself: Reflect.  You must intentionally answer the question, “What just happened?” with a focus not on blaming or playing victim, but on exploring your choices, the emotions that drove them and your underlying beliefs. How do they compare to [...]

Do You Know What To Look For In Your Ideal Mate? Try This Simple Test

Have you had a difficult time finding someone with whom you can establish a great relationship that lasts beyond just a few months, before one or both of you have chosen to either break up or settle for being less than happy (rather than be alone)? If so, the challenge likely starts with why you chose to be together in the first place. Most of us were either taught to [...]

Wedding Season: 3 Reasons To Break Your Engagement Now

It’s wedding season, and thousands of couples have passed, as of the moment of engagement, the point of no return. Yes, people do break off engagements, but as likely as not, they follow through and get married, whether it makes sense to do so or not. The inevitable nature of weddings is driven by two powerful (though false) societal beliefs: The ultimate achievement in love (especially for women) is a [...]

How To Find And Keep The Greatest Love Of Your Life

You can’t have a faithful and fulfilling relationship with excellence while cheating with mediocrity. This is true in all areas of endeavor, from business to music and sports; it also applies to love and relationships. You don’t always get what’s healthy for you in love and relationships; but you always get what you accept. Unfortunately, too many of us never experience Grown, loving relationships of H.E.R.—Honor, Esteem and Respect—because we have [...]

Tolerating Mistreatment Is NOT How Forgiveness Works

You’ve seen the memes; forgiveness isn’t easy, but it frees the forgiver to live better.  This is very much true. However, there are some who think that this act of self love makes them strong enough to walk right back into an unhealthy (i.e., not Grown) situation with someone they’ve forgiven, but who is still treating them badly. Forgiving someone is a Grown decision. However, allowing another person to treat [...]

Why The Love You Seek From Others Can’t Substitute For Self-Love

The love you accept from others will never exceed or substitute for the love you require of yourself. You will never gain unconditional love and acceptance from others if you won’t give it to yourself. The above statements are one of the foundational principles of Grown Zone Relationship Education, one of the concepts we've identified as among the "15 Things Grown People Believe That Mere Adults Don't." Regardless of your relationship [...]