Ask any man about his standards for “The One” and most of the time his list will be exhaustive! Go ahead!
You can find a guy at the bus stop—boarding on borrowed money, with pants hanging off his ass, all grilled and tatted up, sneakers on his feet costing more than he’s actually earned in the past year, no education nor prospects for employment—and he’ll believe that he’s worthy of somebody who’s bringing more to the table than he is.
Why? Because, that adult male (not a Grown man) is looking for somebody who can “hold him down” because he can’t hold himself up; he’s looking for somebody with qualifications to take care of his ass. And he knows he’ll find her.
There are many problems with this and many women are at the root of them. Point is: He’s got qualifiers, as does the educated man in a boardroom.
Now, ask a woman the same question and too often, what most of their lists will boil down to—because of the things she’s willing to overlook, forgive or excuse—is that if he’s breathing and will have her, that’s enough. How do I know? Because she accepts all kinds of disrespect and remains in relationships when she knows he’s only tolerating her.
Ladies, that’s not enough and it can’t continue to be okay. It’s time each one of us has self-preserving qualifiers, and that we raise the bar. We don’t help unmotivated men by giving them all of our energies: attention, money, cars, body and having babies with them when they can’t even provide for themselves. No! We make bigger bitches out of them; further enabling their uselessness!
You can’t ask a man to “man up” while you’re still “holding him (and all the obligations) down”; he CAN’T—he WON’T!
As you’ll continue to hear us say in The Grown Zone: You don’t get what you deserve; you get what you accept. If you believe you deserve better then act like it!
ARE YOU A SUCCESSFUL, HIGH-ACHIEVING SINGLE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR “SINGLENESS”? CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT SCHEDULING A 1-ON-1 HIGH-IMPACT COACHING CONVERSATION WITH ZARA OR ALFRED!