Have you ever been at home with a plan that did not include anybody else, and then the door bell rings? …and rings…and whoever it is at the door just won’t let up off of the bell? “Ding-dong, ding-dong, ding-dong…”

You hear the bell and you are trying with everything you’ve got to get “ready enough” to get to the door…”ding-dong, ding-DONG, DING-DONG…”  By now, you’re yelling…”ALRIGHT!” or “WHO IS IT?”  but they can’t hear you because of the damn bell…“DING-DONG….”

That’s how you sound to the people around you when you won’t let things go. When you wear pain like a garment and make sure that everybody sees it!

The same mental and emotional aggravation experienced by that damn bell at the door when you want it to stop but can’t get to it, is what friends and family experience whenever you go to that hurtful place in your past.

In the beginning they were sensitive to you and heard your cries:

“I can’t believe he cheated on me…”

“They fired me…and I was doing the best I could…”

“The white man got his foot on my throat…”

“But, I’m a good person, why did this happen to me…”

“I’m a single parent…”

“The devil is a thief…he’s so busy…”

“I was good enough to go to the pros…”

“Those black people moved in…”

“I gave him my everything and I deserve more than that…”

Okay, so I had a little fun with some of these, but they are all relevant. They come from a place of pain. And your stubborn insistence on holding on to it as your life-long truth is breathing life into the pain. When you persistently “ding-dong” (I got this term from my mother, who has a low tolerance for “broken records”), you become a victim. That energy will attract those who see the world as you do, and it will repel anybody who operates at a higher frequency—yes, even your friends and family members.

Those who won’t help you wallow in the pain will, at first, challenge you in an attempt to help you grow. But after a while, they’ll realize that the danger of sticking with you while you wallow is that they could lose their edge, and will instead choose to love you from afar.

Come Up Hither

When you find yourself ding donging, you’re in a danger zone; in danger of choosing to be a victim and causing those who are equipped to help you through tough situations to cut you off!

So what other options do you have? Start with this understanding: You can only hit what you aim at, so if you’re focused on seeming injustices and stuck on remaining the victim you’ve already authored your future.

Ding-donging on the past will keep you in the past.  What do you want to happen in your life?  Then for the sake of a better future and your relationships, that is what you should get focused on, or you’ll learn that, eventually, people follow your lead. It’s a waste of energy to want more for somebody than they are willing to do for themselves. Learn to bet on yourself for the sake of your future, not against yourself because of your past.