Your relationship is over. Now what? Single life is about more than just killing time between relationships and searching for someone new to love you. It’s about taking the following steps to learn, grow and love yourself:
Reflect. You must intentionally answer the question, “What just happened?” with a focus not on blaming or playing victim, but on exploring your choices, the emotions that drove them and your underlying beliefs. How do they compare to the patterns of past relationships?
Release. Here’s where you must intentionally unpack the baggage of the relationship, with a focus on getting the lessons. This will require forgiveness, acceptance and compassion towards others, but especially for self. It’s not the job of others, including future relationship partners, to unpack your baggage. Nor is it your job to unpack the baggage of others. Grown people unpack their baggage from past relationships before opening themselves up to new relationships.
Recommit to intentionally cultivating your most important relationship–your relationship with self. It’s time to create and execute a plan for self-love and personal growth. We wrote our book Loving In The Grown Zone to get you started with doing just that.
The work of establishing healthy relationships happens between relationships. The purpose of single life isn’t to just exist between relationships, but to intentionally cultivate your relationship with you. If you’re unhappy in single life, when you’re not in a relationship, you’re not qualified or prepared for healthy relationships, and you’ll attract and choose anything but. Your happiness is not out there somewhere with the “right” person or “The One.” It is within you. You are The One.
Incomplete, unhappy people cannot sustain healthy relationships. It takes complete, content, Grown people to do that. Stop looking for someone to “complete” you. If you feel less than whole, you are not ready for a healthy relationship. You have a right to happiness. But you must claim it by yourself, for yourself. Stop waiting for someone to bring it to you. It’s the intentional, self-loving, personal-growth work you do between relationships that strengthens you and prepares you to recognize, establish and sustain healthy relationships, while happily bypassing those not qualified to care for you in such a relationship.
We repeat: The real work of healthy relationships happens between relationships. It’s an act of true self-love and personal growth. It’s what it means to truly live in the Grown Zone.
ARE YOU A SUCCESSFUL, HIGH-ACHIEVING SINGLE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR “SINGLENESS”? CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT SCHEDULING A 1-ON-1 HIGH-IMPACT COACHING CONVERSATION WITH ZARA OR ALFRED!