Love is not a non-prescription pain reliever. Consensual sex between adults is a popular, socially acceptable way to self-medicate. But it’s not love. When the orgasms subside, the pain—or loneliness or anxiety—return, requiring more and more “love” to cope. That leads to (without an intervention) dependent, compulsive, obsessive, addictive behavior.
Love is not an addiction. You know it’s wrong, but you can’t help it? If a relationship is compulsive, obsessive or addictive—you’ll do anything, including engaging in immoral, criminal, self-destructive or unhealthy acts to have or maintain (at least) one—it’s not love.
Love does not transform wrong to right. If behavior injures, violates, deceives, abuses, harms or disrespects, it’s not love.
Love is not a prison. If a relationship is rooted in possessiveness and control, it’s not love. It’s a hostage situation, with both parties held captive.
Love is not terrorism. If a relationship is rooted in manipulation, punishment and retaliation, it’s not love. That’s a terrorist situation.
To be Grown is to recognize that while love is expressed and experienced differently by every person, love itself is a very specific concept, consistently and universally defined as much by what it is not as by what it is. At the root of that definition is that loving treatment is safe, patient, truthful, trustworthy, empowering, uplifting, non-judgmental and life-affirming—in a word, healthy, without exception.
To find love, you must recognize it—and what it is not. Accept no substitutes.
ARE YOU A SUCCESSFUL, HIGH-ACHIEVING SINGLE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR “SINGLENESS”? CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT SCHEDULING A 1-ON-1 HIGH-IMPACT COACHING CONVERSATION WITH ZARA OR ALFRED!