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You may say: If sex, even meaningless sex, makes you feel better and gets you through a depressing holiday season, what’s the problem? True, consensual sex is a popular, socially acceptable way to self-medicate, to distract from or numb you to the loneliness and depression that can feel intensified during the holiday season. However, when the sexual encounter ends and the orgasms subside, the pain, loneliness and anxiety return—usually with the side-effect of self-loathing—requiring more and more “love” to cope, in a futile effort to deal with the root problem, a lack of self-love. Without an intervention, that leads to an unhealthy dependency, whether on a particular person, or sex itself. And as we say in our book Loving In the Grown Zone, once a relationship or behavior becomes compulsive, obsessive or addictive, you’ll do anything, including engaging in immoral, criminal, self-destructive or unhealthy acts to maintain it—to get your fix by any means necessary. Using sex as a non-prescription drug to deal with holiday blues does not solve problems; it creates them.

Accepting and/or exposing yourself to abuse, disrespect, neglect and other forms of mistreatment out of misplaced “holiday spirit” or “goodwill toward men” (and women). Normally, you consistently set and enforce standards and boundaries for your treatment in relationships. But too often, we allow the holiday season to make us fuquitable—vulnerable to manipulation and tolerant of disrespect and deception—as an act of holiday good cheer, or at least in an attempt not to destroy it.

The result: We grant amnesty to our abusers, failing to enforce self-loving standards of treatment by others. We allow exes to circle back, allowing them back into our pants, our beds, our wallets, and our hearts. Mothers are particularly vulnerable, as they often allow the fathers of their children to use the holidays as a premise for reconciliation, sex, money or other benefits that would never be granted otherwise.

Before you give in to such emotional blackmail, keep these Grown Zone principles in mind:

  • Protecting your money, body, home and heart is your responsibility. The holiday spirit and goodwill toward men does not justify neglecting that responsibility.
  • It’s okay to believe in Christmas miracles. Just know that turning an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one is not among them.
  • Repeatedly breaking up and making up does not mean you belong together. It’s graphic proof that the relationship is unhealthy. Resist attempts to convince you otherwise, especially during the holidays, when you may be more emotionally vulnerable.
  • The holidays do not transform vipers into cuddly rabbits. Do not be fooled by saintly behavior during the holidays, especially in front of family or your kids, into believing that a person’s lifestyle, beliefs, habits and behaviors have changed.

The bottom line: Don’t be so eager for the possibility of love during the holiday season that you cast aside common sense and due process to have a relationship. The holidays are a horrible reason to commit to, stay in or resume unhealthy relationships. If you are not a healthy, happy, whole person without a relationship, the last thing you need is a relationship. No holiday tradition calls for you to trade your brains for a box of rocks. Love—and live—in the Grown Zone.


Stop chasing and losing. Start ATTRACTING and CHOOSING! Learn proven guidelines and principles GUARANTEED to make you happy and fulfilled REGARDLESS OF YOUR CURRENT RELATIONSHIP STATUS. Use the power of self love to become an irresistible MAGNET for the lasting, drama-free, AUTHENTIC LOVE created specifically for you and ONLY you! Order your copy of Loving In The Grown Zone TODAY at LovingInTheGrownZone.com!