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Know How to Love - smallerIf identifying and securing a loving, romantic relationship is a priority for you, you must reject the commonly accepted, yet misguided notions many of us have been taught about finding love. It is critical that you identify and challenge these ideas and beliefs—whether planted by your parents, peers, popular culture, religious upbringing or other sources—and uproot them. You have two options: learn through experience, i.e. trial and error, or via education, drawing from the expertise and experiences of others.

The good news for you is that we have loads of both experience and expertise when it comes to personal growth and healthy relationships. If only we knew then what we know now! On the other hand, what we know now is harvested from the experiences resulting from our past choices (including four failed marriages between us). These lessons are what motivated us to launch our Grown Zone personal growth initiative, with a mission of shortening the learning curve for others, so you can avoid the high experiential “tuition” we paid. With that in mind, we’re sharing three love lessons we learned the hard way, so you won’t have to.

What we are taught to value in potential mates cannot sustain healthy relationships. In our search for authentic, lasting love, we are taught to look for:

Good looks: The most physically attractive person you can find.

Good living: Someone willing and able to share the lifestyle that you have or aspire to.

Good sex: Someone who fulfills all of your erotic fantasies and sexual needs.

Good money: Someone with financial means and earning potential.

Good status: Someone who will bring you popularity and respect by association.