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One of the key factors in your inability to find and maintain healthy relationships are the haunting beliefs, even if unspoken, that you are unworthy or undeserving of love. Once you adopt these beliefs (even if unconsciously), you sabotage your ability to prepare for, recognize, attract and engage in healthy relationships of honor, esteem and respect.

It’s important to understand how we often use facts as justification for adopting false and self-sabotaging beliefs. Just because something is factually true does not mean that the associated belief is true.

For example, here are some common reasons (among many) we are convinced (often with the help of our families, culture or religious beliefs) that we are undeserving of love:

I am divorced. I am not suitable for/capable of sustaining a marriage. 

I can’t bear/don’t want children. I am barren/broken/selfish.

I have an STD. I am ruined/sick/damaged.

I am a fatherless son/daddyless daughter. I am a reject/easily abandoned/unwanted. 

We accept suffering and mistreatment (or joy and kindness) for the same reason: We are convinced that we deserve them. The truth: There is nothing you can do or be that can disqualify you from healthy love. However, as we have learned through dozens of high-impact coaching sessions with those struggling with poor relationship choices, there is a huge difference between hearing and speaking that truth, and believing and living it.

Until and unless you truly and unconditionally believe that you are deserving, healthy relationships will elude you, no matter how desperately you seek and pursue them. You will never accept anythingeven if it is absolutely what you want and needif you don’t believe that you deserve it. This includes the healthy, unconditional love you were created to give and receive.

You don’t get what you want in life and relationships; you get what you accept. And you will only accept what you truly believe you deserve. If you feel you are stuck, settling or suffering in your relationships, or have established a history of successive unsustainable and unfulfilling relationships, unaddressed feelings of unworthiness are a likely contributing factor.