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Whether you are a long-time citizen of the Grown Zone Nation or you are new to the Grown Zone, it helps to speak the language of Grown and healthy personal growth spoken here. Following are the definitions of terms commonly used in the Grown Zone, including on our weekly radio show, in our book Loving In The Grown Zone, on social media (including our private Facebook group) and at our webinars and Grown Zone Live events around the country.

adult and messy: Refers to thinking, actions and lifestyles resulting from choices that consistently deliver disadvantageous, destructive, costly and otherwise negative consequences for the person making the choices and those in relationships with them. Adult-and-messy choices/lifestyles are the antithesis of the Grown-and-healthy decision-making agenda we teach and champion in the Grown Zone.

attractors: Those characteristics that usually serve as the basis of initial attraction or desirability of potential relationship partners. These are the features that society (our parents, peers, popular culture, etc.) tells us to value when seeking suitable relationship partners, but that actually have little to no correlation to a person’s capacity to establish, nurture and sustain healthy relationships. Commonly recognized attractors include: basic decency (niceness), physical attractiveness, sexiness, financial means/earning potential, social status/family background, education and religious upbringing/lifestyle.

boo’d up/booed up: Engaged in a mutually exclusive romantic or dating relationship, usually outside the institution of marriage. Derived from boo, initially popularized in urban culture as a term of endearment, as in “That’s my boo [i.e. sweetheart, honey, baby].”

foolery: See adult and messy.

fuquitable (pronounced foo-QUIT-a-bul): Vulnerable to deception and manipulation by others, due to compromised self-esteem and lack of self-love. Also: a condition resulting from a person’s inability or unwillingness to set standards and enforce boundaries for his or her healthy treatment.

Grown: Refers to thinking, actions and lifestyles resulting from decisions that consistently deliver advantageous, healthy, self-loving and otherwise positive outcomes for the decision maker and those in relationship with them.

grown and sexy: According to UrbanDictionary.com, “This is a term used to describe people who have reached a point in their lives where playing games and immaturity is behind them and they have grown up and are ready to take on bigger and better things.” In the Grown Zone, we make the distinction that only Grown IS Sexy, because if it is not Grown (healthy), it is by definition not sexy. Just as everything sexual is not sexy, too many of the choices people make in the name of being “Grown and Sexy” (particularly as relates to sexual and relationship choices) are actually adult and messy (see definition above).

healthy: In the Grown Zone, this defines anything or anyone that supports, encourages, nurtures and increases your capacity for learning, self-love and personal growth. It also defines those things that bring honor, esteem and respect to relationships and relationship partners (see H.E.R.).

H.E.R.: Honor, esteem and respect. This is the non-negotiable standard for self-love, better decisions and healthier relationships in the Grown Zone.