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Who are the easiest people to lie to? Those who truly, even desperately, want to believe the liar—especially if they’re desirous of, or emotionally invested, in a relationship with that person. It’s why many parents believe their children when they say that they’re doing fine in school, never experiment with drugs and are not sexually active, even when confronted with evidence (condoms and rolling papers, but no homework or studying) that these things aren’t so. It’s also why men often get away with repeatedly lying to women: the gullible truly want to believe, no matter how many times they are betrayed by reality.

Of course, it works both ways—for example, the male ego will often blind a man to the possibility that his woman could actually cheat on him, so when she says she hasn’t been with anyone else, he’ll likely believe her. Even if she gets pregnant and delivers a baby that bears no resemblance to him, he’ll more likely raise the child as his own than bring a case before Judge Lauren Lake on Paternity Court.

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But for the purposes of this post, we want to make the point that women who repeatedly fall for men’s deceptions in relationships do so because they want to believe the lie. The cure to such unhealthy gullibility is the truth, and the courage to face and accept it—a non-negotiable principle of living in the Grown Zone. Only then can it set you free of repeated betrayals and unhealthy romantic foolery. Ladies, if you are truly tired of his lies, you must stop lying to yourself.  Start with rejecting the biggest lie, the one women will ignore all kinds of contradicting evidence to believe:  I love you.

Too many women are so desperate (or ego-driven) to believe it when a man says these words that she will tolerate almost anything he does as long as he says them insistently and repeatedly enough, especially during and immediately after sex.  However, in the Grown Zone, healthy love never justifies exchanging your brains for a box of rocks—no matter what the movies, songs and poems say. Grown folks know that just because you feel love for someone does not mean they deserve you, or that you must or should give yourself to them. Not everyone who says I love you is qualified to do it. It’s up to you to set and enforce the standard. Love is demonstrated, not just stated.