Wedding planning is not marriage planning. Like the vast majority of couples, in all of our marriages, we (especially the brides-to-be) spent far more time on the details of the wedding (aided and abetted by our families and friends, as well as the insatiable marketing machine that is the bridal industry) than working out the terms of commitment for our married lives.
Marriages may be the only contracts that people sign first and negotiate the terms as they go later, if at all. In two of our marriages, (one each), we made the common mistake of leaving the details of marriage planning to God (which is in no way consistent with the Bible’s teaching about the responsibilities of marriage), believing that as devout Christians, there was no way that our marriages could fail. And we wonder why half of all marriages end in divorce, and most of the remaining ones are anything but happy.
Take it from us: If you’ve spent more time talking about flowers, dresses and music, than about money management, family planning and life goals, cancel, or at least postpone, your nuptials. For every hour spent on wedding planning, at least a week should be spent on planning the details of your married life (which may result in you choosing not to get married at all). After all, what is more important: planning a wedding, which is just for a day, or designing a marriage built for a lifetime?
In our case, when we get married (and we might be before you’ve read this post), it will be a simple, private ceremony with little fanfare and no notice. We’ve had four major (and in Alfred’s case, well-publicized) wedding events followed by tragic marriages and disastrous divorces. We’re choosing to deemphasize the wedding event tradition in favor of planning and building an epic, loving marriage truly worth celebrating, on the lasting foundation of a healthy relationship of honor, esteem and respect.
ARE YOU A SUCCESSFUL, HIGH-ACHIEVING SINGLE STRUGGLING WITH YOUR “SINGLENESS”? CLICK HERE TO LEARN ABOUT SCHEDULING A 1-ON-1 HIGH-IMPACT COACHING CONVERSATION WITH ZARA OR ALFRED!