Consider this: If you are vegan, you don’t tolerate or accept non-vegan foods—even if you are attracted to the person who prepared and/or served it, or they are attracted to you. Also, you don’t assume the food is vegan based on that attraction; you confirm for sure before you take even a single bite (i.e., commit). Being vegan is not only about what you eat, but taking responsibility for confirming that food presented to you is in fact vegan and in the absence of such confirmation, rejecting it. (In Grown Zone terms: setting and enforcing standards and boundaries.)
True vegans will not tolerate meals from sources who do not honor, esteem and respect their vegan lifestyle. Over time, consistently communicating and enforcing that standard will cause those who don’t honor it to be less, not more, attracted to them.
Substitute the words honest, loyal and loving for vegan, and you get the same outcome. If you are honest, but accept dishonesty, you will attract dishonesty. If you are loyal, but tolerate disloyalty, you will attract the disloyal. If you are a loving person who will endure mistreatment, you will attract abusers.
The question is not, “Why is a kind, loyal, honest and loving person repeatedly treated poorly in relationships?” but “Why does a kind, loyal, honest and loving person tolerate unkind, disloyal, dishonest and abusive treatment?” The answer is nearly always rooted in a lack of self worth—what we call a chronic self-love deficit.
If you tolerate dishonesty, disloyalty and abuse, you are not truly committed to a lifestyle of honesty, loyalty and loving relationships—and you will attract the opposite of who you say you are.
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