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Your relationship is over. Now what? Single life is about more than just killing time between relationships and searching for someone new to love you. It’s about taking the following steps to learn, grow and love yourself:

Reflect.  You must intentionally answer the question, “What just happened?” with a focus not on blaming or playing victim, but on exploring your choices, the emotions that drove them and your underlying beliefs. How do they compare to the patterns of past relationships?  

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Release. Here’s where you must intentionally unpack the baggage of the relationship, with a focus on getting the lessons. This will require forgiveness, acceptance and compassion towards others, but especially for self. It’s not the job of others, including future relationship partners, to unpack your baggage. Nor is it your job to unpack the baggage of others. Grown people unpack their baggage from past relationships before opening themselves up to new relationships.

Recommit to intentionally cultivating your most important relationship–your relationship with self. It’s time to create and execute a plan for self-love and personal growth. We wrote our book Loving In The Grown Zone to get you started with doing just that.

The work of establishing healthy relationships happens between relationships. The purpose of single life isn’t to just exist between relationships, but to intentionally cultivate your relationship with you. If you’re unhappy in single life, when you’re not in a relationship, you’re not qualified or prepared for healthy relationships, and you’ll attract and choose anything but. Your happiness is not out there somewhere with the “right” person or “The One.” It is within you. You are The One.